all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
