"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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