We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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