I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
