fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
