I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
