I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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