shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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