I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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