i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
