No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
