This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
