Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm at about main and main street
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Randomize
