We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
