I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
