I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
