For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
