Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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