I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
