Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
