We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
