currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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