Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
