I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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