I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
