i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I need moral support for this bender
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
