i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
