So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
