how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
