Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
