if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
