ya dads aren't the best wingmen
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
