Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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