Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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