i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
