Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
