Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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