me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
