A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
