God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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