im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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