RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
