if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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