Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
