So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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