Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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