my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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