either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
