He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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