genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
