That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
